This is my story. I have battled whether or not to share. It is so real and raw. It has taken me four years to feel I can share the details of my journey. I do know there are others that have been through so much more heartache. My problems and struggles will seem small to some. However, there is a Christian out there who is suffering with depression. They feel alone. They are questioning what they have done to deserve this punishment. They are so full of shame they cannot reach out and Heaven forbid go to the doctor. This testimony of darkness is for you.
I used to be of the opinion that anyone that suffered with depression was lazy. I thought, “if you didn't feel like getting out of bed, DO IT ANYWAY”. If you are crying all the time, then read your Bible more. To me, it was a matter of will power. It was a character flaw. Then one day, completely unexpected God sent a time of depression to me. I felt exhausted for no reason, I was lonely in a crowded room and I didn't care about anyone, not even myself. No matter the blessings, I felt so heavy. The sun could be shining and it truly felt gray to me. For me, my gracious loving God turned out the light...
Over the next few blog posts, I am going to share my story. The pain and extreme loneliness. How it affected my view of God, my marriage and what I learned. For those who are living in darkness so thick you feel like you can touch it, I invite you to journey with me. Read how God took a seasoned, spoiled Christian to a broken place so He could rebuild her. Through loss, grief, anger and doubt; He did a miracle. Maybe not the one I thought I needed but one that was for my best and His glory!
By April Minnix, daughter of the King
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the Heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.